Wednesday, 7 December 2011

A Tale of Two References (Contains sweary wordage)

This post contains swearing and may cause offence...Please do not read if easily offended!!!

A sad day took place last week, where we saw the longest standing member of staff leave us for pastures new.
On their last day, I was asked for a written reference so they could use it if required in the future.

I duly obliged.

......kind of.

For those unaware of kitchen banter, no stone is left unturned behind the closed swing doors that lead to the engine room of the food premises. Wit and swearing quite often fires off on all four cylinders, as 'your Mum' gags, comments on people's sexuality, sexual antics, mental abilities, and colour of hair (or lack there of)

But at this point, I should point out that the Kitchen team are a very close and tight group, always looking out for each other, covering each other's asses and possibly closer than any siblings could get. There is never any acceptance of malice nor bullying and any lines deemed by the whole team are never stepped over.

The following is a spoof Reference for the leaving team member, who upon reading it, had a look of shock when confronted with the first expletive penned sentence. The look soon made way to smiles, laughs and even tear washed cheeks as he read on to the end......

XXXXXXXXX                      Reference
December,  2011
To whom it may Concern,

XXXX has worked within our Kitchen for 4 years, after stepping in from the Front of House, to cover the Head Chef unduly leaving without notice.

And what a fucking four years it has been.

Seems more like ten.

XXXX has a Fuck you attitude in everything he is asked to do, and meets all tasks and challenges with a deep sense of hatred for the ‘swine rat-bastards’ that keep ordering food, begrudgingly ensuring produce is completed and served to any fucker that can be arsed to come and get it. He is passionate, especially with the  lads or young ladies with plump breasts,  quick to shout at others and an admired colleague when he is actually being upbeat and amusing instead of the moody sod that scowls and mumbles when something has got right on his tits . I have come to rely heavily on him to fuck me off on a regular basis almost as if he is having one of them there lady periods.

He has a gentle touch and is more than up for a little man love, and for this, he will be greatly missed (XXXXXXXXX does not even make a close second *ginger*)

I wish him every success for the future and have no qualms in recommending him for employment within Catering and Hospitality.

....Anything to get the little Bastard away from here.


Yes, he did receive a correct and fulfilling Reference, and deservedly so. I have been informed it is now framed and on the mantelpiece for all to see......

.....Just hoping it's the right one.......

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